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Who Is In Your Circle?

Who is in your circle?

A couple of weekends ago, this light bulb started to flicker on top of my head. I call it the "right-thinking bulb". I asked myself this question: "who is in my circle?"

It all started with this thought! for a couple of years now, I could not understand how someone would say I care, I love and/or I am there for you but once you have a tantrum, you say I need time off, it becomes "holy saint it is about time!" as if they could not wait for you to say these words. Sometimes the behaviors we display can harm us tremendously.

I realized one thing,  the people you call family is never your true family. They are not blood-related, they are the people who accept you with your flaws. They are the ones who listen and know that sometimes you will have tantrums, but it is ok. Sometimes you will need to walk on a journey to rediscover yourself it does not mean you abandoned them. 

So! while I was teaching an entire week on "The stages of attitude change" I stressed a lot on the bullets and I broke them down for you to better understand the stages: 

  1. "Being able to know the Feelings"
  2. "Recognizing the different behaviors"
  3. "Identifying problem thinking"
  4. "Identifying the right-thinking"
  5. "Committing to the right-thinking"
  6. "Developing a plan for the right-thinking".💯 I gathered these bullets from an expert "Developing The Leader Within You" by John C Maxwell. But when I broke them down here is what the bullets come to.

For a week the women in the group met to discuss and elaborate on each of the bullets. We learned that our attitudes are based on how we;

  • Identify the feelings that we have about what we do, what we think and how we see things.  We are given 60000 thoughts per hour each day, what kind of thoughts do we want to let accumulate in our heads?
  • How we associate with the behaviors and adapt to them should lead us to ask ourselves what's in it for me when I behave that way?
  • We discussed that by identifying what we feel and how we behave, we begin asking ourselves questions. However, not all questions are created equal. Some can harm us, and cause us to have the wrong conceptions of who we are and some can also build our confidence. We agreed that we must not dwell on negative thoughts. Such an attitude can bring down others around you. 
  • "What we believe perceives". The reality to that statement is, there is always something in our ways, in our characteristics that is different from each other. I am nothing like my two brothers, my attitude and temperament are different from them. So how do we identify the right thinking? What would be the right approach when we want the thoughts to be identified as the right thoughts vs. the wrong thought? Do we rely on changing and shifting our behaviors?
  • Making a commitment to thinking right.
    What does that mean? It is what we called accountability. Find someone, a friend, a family member, a colleague, husband/wife, etc to hold us accountable for when we decide to think right. How are we going to do that? We begin to associate ourselves with doing everything we could possibly think of, right! 
    Reading the right book, 
    Being around the right people,
    Choosing the right healthy lifestyle,
    Taking the right notes
    Listening to the right podcast
    Praying the right prayer
    Sowing the right seed
    Doing the right thing will serve us along the way. 
  • When we start creating a plan of action. When we start changing attitude, we start taking notes and assess our progress. And we start asking the right questions to ourselves. What did we do differently this time to have this outcome? What could we have done differently? How can we change the approach to help us better ourselves? We start to see where we are going and who is fit to be in our circles.

"Do not be fearful but be fearless and cheerful of the unknown". Nadeje

Divas! you certainly cannot say to yourselves "only when you see, you will believe". That kind of attitude represents a fearful attitude. You must always have the mindset to first believe before you can see it.

So Divas, think of the characteristics you admire in someone ( a friend, family member, colleague). What would you have done to be like someone you strongly admire?

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From your girl Nadeje


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